Monday, March 22, 2010's been over a month..

Well where do I even begin?

So, its been over a month and some things have changed and some not so much. Without trying to be super crazy throwing everything all out there here's the jist..............

Hubby has been unemployed now for 5 months. Ive managed to keep us afloat with income tax refund along with my school loan refund until now....I'm confident to say without the grace of God we would already be homeless. Yea financially its bad..

The last couple months my husband was starting to get very tired, like totally wore out, super thirsty, drinking fluids like no mans business. ..............any guesses

Well he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes! Numbers so high they wouldn't register on his glucose meter. Since then (abouts a month) his numbers are in the 200's.. his vision went from bad to worse so much that he is nearsighted now. Its a lot to take in.

Meanwhile, in all this my grades in college started to slip and one by one my classes were stopped and yea last week I officially withdrewl from this semester. I've come so far to lose my road but honestly I can't even wrap my head around all this going on in my life. It seems if I work on school work, then I just care about school but if I neglect it then i'm throwing it all away i'm told. Is there a such thing as not really wanting someone to progress but playing the supportive card???

Well about 4 months ago, he started going to church with me and the kids. If your just planting your seeds in church, having faith and keeping strong is not easy by far. I don't know how to explain it but to say when you let just a little doubt in...........well you scoot back. Long before I knew it, he stopped coming with us. To make matters worse he went back to using a crutch known as pot. I was devistated, sad, mad, angry, i'm telling you like every emotion i've dealt with in the last weeks.

I've went to church trying to let go, give it to God and while i think i do, it subsides back in my heart a day or two later. I mean this whole situation with no work, no job offers, thought we're on the same page and we're not at all......was literally making me sick. My pastors wife told me sunday night..your husband is just about to kill you with the grief you're carrying you have got to let go and let me tell you ....................rain it did..................let it rain..........

The tears, the emotions, it was so strong I couldn't contain myself, I tried to control my emotions and wheew there was no holds bar.

So, this is where me .........where i've been these last few weeks...I know they're are many women out there who are in church minus there mates but they just might deal with it a little bit better than myself......I don't know..

So as I must pull up my boot straps cause my floor is needing vacuumed and if you've stuck around this long..Bless you!!!