Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Hey ...shouting out to each of you.. All 8....what .....eight.. holy moly..

I am still here... just going through some things..

I promise I'll be back to post...

Huge Hugs,


Saturday, April 25, 2009

!!Taking not one but three for the team!!

This is my lil k who makes mommy's patience disappear but oh I love her to pieces..She is trying to get better with her ears but I think some wind irritated them today..She had a bath, medincine and cartoonies..she went out like a light..

Original Post----------

Oh ya..It's saturday afternoon..I!! In hopes of surviving today with a second wind..and you peoples KNOW I love my energy drinks..I am quite partial..Without the lord..#1 for sure..for sure..and my can of sugar..I don't believe I wouldn't have survived so well to the end of semester..Oh did I say the end...YEA praise god..a few more weeks..Woo Hoo..Everyone in the vicinity do the happy dance..I can't wait...Okay see here is my new fav. thirst quencher.(my it has alot of sugar).

I knew when I hit the front door this afternoon that I felt I needed to head straight to the fridge. I felt like I was one of many running on the field today but I was really..Just watching the kiddos run eyes and brain are tired..

So we headed out the door....wait.......beep..backin up.. I didn't want to wake up this morning so needless to say mom didn't move until really the clock was screaming at me to hustle and bustle otherwise we were fixin to be in trouble. I scrammed to get everyone together in one piece and dressed and out the door at 8:30 a.m. I know to many that's late..and plenty of time but by saturday my kids are crabby patties so to have everyone with no limbs missing is pretty awesome!! Arriving at the field for pictures..gotta love that..many and many a childrens running amock..I kid you not..literally it was like kiddy land like no other. Pics game..and we're getting ready to have kick off. I had brought the babies some cereal in a ziplock bag and mind you smart mom here ..I didn't bring a container to set them in for lil k to eat out you will only guess what I laugh now because for real.. I probably looked like a nut..I used her lil tenny so promise she wasn't wearing it cuz that would've been too gross if I pulled it off and used it and I thought surely it's clean so there..I laid it all out and for J = one goal..Woo Hoo..Awesome is that!! From last weekend ...Exhibit A..
to this weekend (sorry no pic..but let me say I was one proud momma).

So one game's 10:30 a.m. and they are STARVING!! I guess I should feed them I we scrambled to McD's.. $1 sandwhiches all that took FOREVER in a you know when you order a large quantity of sandwhiches they look at you like you done lost your ooples..Like really they think i'm gonna eat them all..

And so now we've got oh 20 min. and someone left there attire at home..FANTASTIC is that..yea so running..running.. to go by the house and search..and search..make me a sandwhich..stuff it in my face..grab a soda..(Cherry Coke) and swoosh back to the field for game #2. Big J (my husband) was meeting us there to see J play since he works odd hours this was his only opp. to catch a game..Usually when dad comes around..j tries to go above and beyond acting all cool and flops..

j+2 more goals= super awesome..
One was made from half way on field and he kicked off and it flew right into the goal!!

Wheew..After soccer..I was pooped, babies were pooped..we didn't stay around baseball..we went home and in the process..babies went out to nappy land..

Yea I'm fixin to help Big J make chicken cordon bleu..

WooHoo..Praise God..I am thankful..

Huge Hugs,


Friday, April 24, 2009

Who wants to dance?

I know..You're thinking I've done lost my ooples..contrary to popular belief, I believe my sanity is in check..

You are probably grasping the idea that I love music.. and I seen on my instant messenger there's a launch radio..Hello..Is that awesome or what..I hit and all the old music comes flooding back..Oh I was singing as If I was the only one in the living room here except I wasn't. Nothing like your kids looking at you like you are way to old to be moving and grooving. Another thing, is I love to jam in the car, I'm in the car alot so why not right? When the hustle & bustle is moving nobody can tell but at the intersection people look at you like you're nuts..Promise ..Not nuts here.. :)

So since yesterday's post was extremely long and I bet it gave you the feeling that it was never going to end I'll do my best to end this short and sweet.

Really it's alot about nothing today...

Let's see..lil k,lil j and I went upstairs this morning but ......I had boo koo's of laundry to put away.. Laundry is DEFINITELY not one of my things I get excited about!! So i'm puting away my laundry and sorting it to the remaining rooms.. and I'm like lil J "why don't you got get your dirty laundry and throw it down..the stairs.. I said here even is a he goes marching in there and scooping up laundry..singing his clean up song...Clean up...clean up...everybody clean up....
Uh k he says.. you help bubba clean up?...................No!! lil k I was myself..

So that was the highlight of my day..It's all of 85 today......Wheew..Hot..big girls me don't like HOT!!..

So..everyone least I hope so..Soccer Saturday is tomorrow!! We have soccer pics at 8:40 a.m. a game at 9:40 again at 11:40 and .......drumroll at 12:30 p.m. Oh heavens to betsy...Please lord..give us strength..

Huge Hugs,


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Really Has It Been... And a REALLY long post

Really has it been...that long since I posted?

Doesn't seem like it's been 2 days..The wierd feeling I was having was to pause this whole blogging thing..I'm like really ..I like to blog for not only myself but for others, that they might recieve some insight and know they aren't the only crazy,hormonal,wife,or mother whose hair might be changing colors WAY before their ready..

Yea.. I know..Just in the last week or so, I have had grey hairs come up like nothing..For when I seen one or two I was alright but now that they kind of are on top and dance..NOTICEABLY..I can't help but feel a bit saddened..If any of you(which is only a few)have seen me in person, my hair isn't short by any means... it's down to below my hiney, to put it imagine ALOT of grey hairs later down the road.. Heavens.. I hope WAY down the road.

Really has it been...

that long since I had an energy drink?

Oh since yesterday, lol. In the afternoon.. I am quite partial to my Full Throttle's honestly..They are my anytime of the day coffee. My husband works for a soda company(which shall remain nameless) and we get them through there.

Really has it been..

that long since I posted about K's ortho appt. anxiety..and then I don't relay the results.. how nice is that of a blogger huh? Her appt. went alright.. her nurse (remaining nameless as well) cause YOU never know WHO might read YOUR blog. She's a mess..One of those thoughts like.. there are some interesting nurses out there..Surely if she can be a nurse then I should be okay. Anyhow, previous to Dr. Back to the Future coming..(If anyone has seen the movie you'll know exactly what I mean), the nurse looked at her arm as did I and it did look better than when I innitially called her last thursday. The other day when I looked at it,It literally looked like she was in a fun house mirror...but you know I just prayed about it..So we had x-rays and they looked awesome.. Barely could you see the break area..Wheeww..And she still continues to wear her splint for the next week and then only when she leaves home.Also no.. softball...HMMM...For the most part it's healing well but will it completely be good in 6 months.

Then ...after I took K to school .. we went on to take lil k to the dr. It all started on Sunday.. and progressed into something with a fever..and quite the crankiness. I took a guess and went with left ear and yep..not one but two.. Yea Yea Yea. Her antibiotic didn't agree with her so she received a new one today..PRAISE GOD..Cause she has been quite the pill..Really..Like pushin my patients button pill.

I just remember this...At the end line so I thought I should put this in. So I'll make it quick..lil k & lil j were being naughty downstairs as I was transporting laundry and so I hollered and told them to start up the stairs and let mom get the clothes and you two can take a bath. So no longer did I grab the laundry and start up the stairs I hear ..splash..splash..anyone guess where they were?..In the bathroom..Playing in what you ask? The TOILET..Yes I know the TOILET..Talk about gross, nasty, ick, really double ick. Then they decide to tell me as lil j is hollering, binky..ok where is it? I kid you not, they both pointed to the toilet. Oh man..this surely can't be possible..Oh yes but it is..So we make peace, dip and scrub and dip and scrub in the tub..On to getting dressed so the two little naughty ninkumpoopies went jumping and playing around and stepped on my curtain in my room..It was brighter in there than ever before..Like a strobe light hit..They done popped the curtain of the wall..Oh I tell you what..It was a good thing it was nap cause they were headed down a road of time outs.

Let's see here, last night was church service..Need I say more.. as it was awesome..God was moving and shaking some hearts up. He's gonna do good things I know..I really need to read "Fireproof" as soon as semester is over. I need to get a list wrote of things I want to accomplish this would be to start knitting again.. I miss it soooooo much..There just isn't enough time in the day or I'd do it now but if I took even thirty minutes every night I'd be cooking farther along than I am is Thursday's can be crazy and not sure why..just seems fitzy in the mornings. I just prayed about it and gave it to god that he will give me and others going through these situations and more difficult ones strength.

We had soccer practice tonight..and it finally cooled girl)+ hot temps.= Gross feeling and it's been hot here for April.

Oh I almost forgot..HELLO..what was I thinking or was I ..following Mckmama's blog A.K.A Stellan's mom..she twitters like do gobs of others..and I love to talk and talk but as I hold stuff in to put on my blog post I forget something funny or just plain crazy so I thought what better way but to tweet..I know sometimes I do have good glance over to your right.. yea right up top and read along if you wish..

Continuing for Stellan and Kayleigh..Both still very sick.. Sending prayers and love..

Really has it been...

3 hours since I first started this post but I had to take mini breaks in between..

Huge Hugs,


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Praying ... for kayleigh... Praying for Stellan

Little Miss Kayleigh recently had surgery and is recovering..unfortunately she isn't recovering like everyone hoped. In fact, her cerebral cortex isn't working and the physicians believe she actually might be brain dead...

But our god has a plan.. a plan of grace, strength and mercy. Please won't you pray for baby kayleigh at this time. Her parents really need some love and strength. This beautiful little girl was born only weighing just a hair over 1 pound. She has defied the odds more than not and she's so precious. People all over the world have followed Aimee's blog, whether by accident or purpose, AND their life will give you hope, strength, love, grace and feel so loved by our wonderful god.

Please go by and see updates on kayleigh's blog.

Also praying for Baby Stellan... He's in Boston and he had surgery this morning..He is recovering..Again ... Many people LITERALLY around the world praying for him today and every day. He is another precious child of god's. His mother MckMama will bless you with her strength, faith and love for her god, the physicians, and her family.

His blog is on the right..

Sending Huge Hugs,


Oh it's early...

Good Morning...

I really didn't have a post title pop in my head...This one just kinda we'll go with it..

Here's a few off the top of my head...

* Oh it's early ..... to be eating cereal right now.frosted strawberry cereal.

* Oh it's early...way to early to be hearing the washer going..but figure if i'm up I mise well be getting something accomplished..

*Oh it's early .. to be thinking about how the day is going to pan out..(for's not my's gods timing)

*Oh it's early be having unfolded laundry staring at me from the couch (if I even had eyes in the back of my head..they be having a staring contest together)

*Oh it's be posting..really does anyone still stop by here anyhow..?..Who knows..

For waking up at 2:45 a.m. this morning with my hubby to accompany him while getting ready for work...I fell back asleep on the couch..Does that like totally defeat the purpose..Probably.. Well at least I'm there just ..dreaming on the couch..

For some reason I have been more tired you get older the hardest it becomes for us to stay up later..Odd.. as in I'm really not old..Maybe it's a hormonal thing..Maybe it's the fact that I can look into the mirror and see my hair has grown so quickly that it's below my hiney.. but up top in the front..I am meeting some new grey "friends". Ridiculous I say....Also I can't have caffeine like I used to.. Drinking it at becoming a NO NO...A jittery NO NO..

I am just rattling on and no I know..

Let's see here.. I last posted back on friday..

What's happened since then..

Saturday..we had Soccer..J didn't feel so in turn he didn't move so hot..Later on that day.. we had Baseball..that went well...we have alot of eager kids ready to play ball...and then there's a few..who are absolutely gonna drive you batty because they don't listen..and the parent just stuck them in sports to have some peace and quiet..Yea it's true..I've heard it..

Sunday was Church. Awesome day..

In the midst of these last few days..K had gotten better with her cold..J had worn himself out..and he had what started as cold symptoms and moved to vomiting..I know it's lovely.. Fevers up and down..whining.. oh the whining..and there's nothing you can really do but pray that they receive some rest. Next in line is lil k who started in Sunday night service.. sneezing, bugers flying..I'm thinking oh.. we a fever stamped on it..

Yesterday..The two big kids made it to school..lil K went from yucky feeling and she slept majority of yesterday..we went to ball.. and she was not very happy..And come bedtime............She didn't want to lay still to fall asleep..She was like a magic jumping bean..Up and down..Here and there..Finally with her fussyness and fever she fell asleep ...*praise god*

It is 5:15 a.m... oh holy goodness..I can hear faintly the couch hollering at me..I'm gonna go rest some eyes..

K has a ortho appt..please pray for peace and wisdom..I had a conversation with the dr. nurse the other day.. I'll post later that tid bit.. so we're off to town VERY early..and so I'm off here..

Huge Hugs,


Friday, April 17, 2009

TGIF...For Real It's Really Friday?

Oh boy...Are you sure it's friday ..hmmm..By a few minutes after.. indeed it's friday..I am pooped with sincere this has seem to be a long, never ending week. I know for sure I will be doing a happy dance like no other here in about 3 weeks when spring semester for college is over. I am totally ready to kick these late nights to the curb. I can't wait to go to sleep at 9 p.m. instead of midnight and then awaking not too long after for school work again. Oh well, really what can you do? It is true that one day it'll all be worth it. To be a nurse, helping to save lives, bring lives into this world... HELLO.. if that ain't awesome.. then i'm not sure is...If college was easy, everyone would do it.. including my hubby but some can't handle the crazyness as it's not for the weak..

So I know.. I totally blew thursday's post right out the windy, window..Yesterday morning which really feels like this morning. because I still think it's thursday but really it's friday.. see I almost typed saturday.. oh man should I go to bed.

So, we get up this morning to learn my car was having issues so I got into town late for my daily run (not run with my leggies) my

Then lil K and lil J decided they didn't want to sit by each other this morning.. unlike the fact they had been doing it o..since lil ky was born almost 19 months ago..They were like dinosaurs in a cage match. Clawing and pinching, holding the others car seat just to make the other mad. Honestly, it was a bit much to intake at 10 a.m. so we couldn't get back home quick enough or they'd been separated that was for sure..

The rest of the day .. was much about nothing.. You know fun stuff ladies do .. kitchen, laundry, pick up toys, feed, nap for kiddos, soda, pee, laundry, vacuum, soda, pee.. The cycle doesn't end from 8 a.m. until 8 a.m.

Oh I have checked off a to do ee on my list back from spring remember I had made a comment about the hall closet.. something will fall out and bite ya.. Well fear no more.. All clean..Also, may have mentioned under my bed.. King size bed no less. . Oh ladies there was some dust that could've made you slip and fall.. It was insane..It was like christmas all over again, as tiny toys were shoved under there many moons ago and actually found.Another checkie off the list, my car.. Woo Hoo.. Not wanting to toot my own horn here.. well yea really I am.. That I progressed and actually got stuff done..

You know you're tired when you close your eyes momentarily while typing a post...

Please remember these babies I mentioned on wednesday.. Kayleigh is recovering.. she needs prayers..

Baby Stellan was flown to Boston today.. and doing well..

PRAISE GOD!! He is so awesome with HIS plan!!

Huge Hugs,

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Pitter Pat Wednesday


I had wrote at the end of my post this morning about a few children..
Baby Stellan in which his badge is over on the very sick.. with his tiny, precious heart..His mom was under the impression that they would be monitored but going home...It turns out they are actually flying to Boston..for an procedure..Prayers are so needed for this family...

*****************ORIGINAL POST**************
Goooooooooooood Morning the House.....

It's hump day...and whee www.. I feel it..

This will be beautiful, short and sweet as I'm feeling this minute (really tired so I better type fast before I type something while my eyes get droopy and I end up typing something goofy) oh yea.. it's happened..I'd go back and read it.. and swear I fell asleep, and dreamt it for a short second...Crazy Stuff ...

So few know that I am a full time college student...and few know..I chose to take this semester from home..Insane I know...One of those what was I thinking moments...

Due to these circumstances, I am tired...and honestly becoming hormonal crazy lady in her 30's. While I'm plugging along I have my partner in crime...

Exhibit A

I know, these are few of her better pics...She seems to be how glue is to wood..Stuck..better yet.. a zipper.. I'm one side and she's the other...

Exhibit B

And all funniness aside...Our moment of truth........
Exhibit C

Kids...They are precious..Even though they are related to my sprouting grey mm...

I wanted to make note of a few of the children that have touched my heart and need huge prayers especially for this week...

Baby Bentley..awaiting heart surgery Bentley badge

Baby Jonah...They are back in the hospital..on right side Williams blog

Baby Stellan... they are in 4 weeks of in the hospital...his badge is on right..

Cute children Gavin & Chelsea... Gavin is awaiting procedures this week.. mother requests prayer for she is struggling with mom being gone..Praying for them.. They are on the blog list.. Masto Chronicles..

Baby Kayleigh... Awaiting surgery this week....On list too...

Each of these mom's and dad's need strength, love, continuously..I can't begin to imagine..How their faith is tested..and they stride with god's word..So awesome..

Praying for April Rose.. her badge is attached on right..She is pregnant with a precious child..and her dr.s aren't giving the mother much hope to go on.. But her strength, faith is quite amazing..Click her badge for her story and send her a few words of faith...

And ladies..These women are waiting ...waiting for the precious timing of carrying a child..I think of them all too often..and really hope there desired is full filled.

Heather with her blog.. A mom, child and a pug.. She is currently on chemo for reoccurring cancer. She has two small children.. Oh I pray for her constantly and for these precious children..

There really is a significant amount of individuals going through trials & times but amazing they continue to strive with the ultimate peace from our Jesus...Breath taking I know..

Sending Huge Hugs & requesting them to be forwarded on to others,

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Calling all ..........patience....

Yea...Good Morning.. to each of you......(you know who you are)lol.. Happy Tuesday..

I added new tunes...I hope you enjoy..and my widget to the right...I HOPE YOU DANCE!!That is one thing that gets me going is music & moving!!

You know I have been posting in the know cause life is so hustle and bustle ..but then by that time people have snuggled into there jammies so.. they might not get to cackle at MY CRAZY LIFE!!

So, I'm gonna mix it up a bit and post this morning..WHY you ask .. because eventhough my clocks LITERALLY says 10:44 a.m. really it feels like WAY later in the day...Oh WHY you ask...???Cause 3 out of 4 kiddos decided that 5:30 a.m. was a FANTASTIC time to rise in shine..BUT there wasn't a ounce of

Lil K & Lil J are feeling their oat boats to the highest extent...I am beginning to think that whoever came up with the thought of "Terrible 2's" didn't realize what was ahead at 3's. Wheew... So therefore I courageously titled this post..Calling all ..patience...I am praying and asking for god to really help with me with patience, and to be calm even when my kiddos are acting crazy,being loud, fighting,wrestling, throwing food at each other...Patience..Patience..

Really it's not horrible, I just ask for strength to a funner mom & not seem like a HELGA all the times..(yea my oldest says that)lol..or the "Warden"

I love my children...I am also willing to bet.. that I'm not the only mom whose patience seem to decrease with age..(along with memory)..

So..if any other crazyness.. comes into this day..believe you me.. I will touch base..

Huge Hugs,

Monday, April 13, 2009

Too Funny........

Okay...So what started out as me finding a song to upload turned into finding a comedy bit..Chonda Pierce..I had heard her name but I watched this and CRACKED UP ..hilarious.. HIT>>>> PAUSY ON MRS. STEPH'S PLAYLIST


Marathon Monday

Evening to all 6 who follow my blog..(and a few lurkers here and there).. I hope your monday ended all as well..

I know by that title post today, you're thinking **Marathon** as in running...uh no..However, I feel physically like I have.. I am tired, physically as if I had been running.. It must go with the territory when it comes to chasing a 2 year old and a one year old. Them together get into disasters,spills,crying fest and little heated matches.. but only these two in the house can sit by each other side by side in church and have their arm around the other.. PRICELESS>..

So ....TODAY was the day of RECKENING...the ORTHO APPT...




Along my surprise the dr. decided NOT to recast...miss k's arm... surprised...I am...
I took a peek at x-rays and PERSONALLY (this is my opinion) I don't think it looked really better than the first pics back 2.5 weeks ago..Hmmm.. I'm guessing he knows what he's doing.. Since he has the PhD.. and I'm just know going back to school..

I just really hope it heals well.. Dr. thinks maybe seeing her at our next visit in a week n a half.. he will decide if soccer is a option..I mainly just want her arm to heal..CORRECTLY..

So she is back in her splint..

In a nutshell.. that was the extent of my day..between the regular mom was enough to tire me out..

So I leave you with a cute, cute pic of lil k & I from last night before bed.. All of a sudden I am Mrs. Photogenic..(just not of myself)

Wishing you a restful evening & Huge Hugs,

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter.. It was a good day!!


LOL...After looking at my pictures... I noticed in the basket pic.. there's a bag of THAT DID NOT COME FROM THE EASTER BUNNY..As if they won't receive gobs..of candy alone plus at church they are having a candy rain..Candy will be coming out of the wood work.. Mr.Dentist is gonna LOVE< LOVE> us..Just thought I'd throw that part in there...

Good Evening to each of you... My it's seems to have been a long day......

The boys were up at.... 4 a.m. ready to scope out their baskets...and I don't believe they even fell back asleep.. but at 6:30 a.m. they shuffled downstairs and went crazy over their baskets..due to weather here this morning..(Pouring Rain)Mr. Easter Bunny thought it would be best to just bag up the eggs for hiding...(which because of church we put off our egg hunt).. Here is the kiddos baskets...

We went off to church..

and it was great... our children sang in the kids choir and they were to don't realize just how big they are getting until you see them on there own being little people..

Due to monsoon of a rain storm.. again we put off the egg hunt...had lunch and 4:00 p.m. we let the fun begin...

And we're off....


Looking high and low........

Still looking...mind you while mom & dad are freezing...

Finishing up.......Wheeww....

After so many candy wrappers and gave up on trying to pick up the house...
We sat down to pray and eat plenty....

After a long but very enjoying and thankful day... I'm tired... and just to say those words don't do it enough justice...

I hope each of you had a blessed Easter..

Sending huge hugs with lots of praise that bedtime is almost here,

Saturday, April 11, 2009

**Sunny Saturday**

Gorgeous...Gorgeous Sun out this morning...

Soccer rocked this morning.. Seems to be game time at 8:00 a.m. is awesome for our kiddos... our team the Sonics... Won... 9 to 0.

Of course, Mrs. Stephanie's camera was battery less... BUT wait.. wait...

We got 2 course when mom doesn't have click, clicks of the camera to back it up..

Awesome, Awesome Saturday...Enjoy this day that the lord hath made..I will rejoice and be glad in him...

Sunday's coming....

Huge Hugs,

Gotta Love Pictures...

Today is none other than Soccer Saturday...Stay tuned for Soccer Pics.. Until here are a few from this week...


I know what you're thinkin.. no she's not squatting for that..

Up close & personal with a dandelion..trying out my flower pics..


Miss Ky A.K.A. Miss Naughty.. as she's been this whole blessed week..

Huge Hugs,

Friday, April 10, 2009

Good Friday

Now that this week has about come to an end....through all the crazyness... through all the tears..(let me say there's been quite a bit), through each and every emotion I faced this week.. I'm really am thankful for today...

Today was the day our heavenly father was beaten, nailed and bound to the cross...the sacrifice he gave for each and everyone of us. On sunday, sweet Easter Sunday it WILL be an awesome day. The day he arose from the dead... I'm so thankful I know who jesus is.. I'm so thankful he's my rock, my shield, my counselor .. the list could go on forever.. No matter what is going on in your life.. you might feel like you are the only one at times and unsure of things...our god is so awesome that he is here day or night.. he hears our cries, sees our tears.. I have found so much strength in reading my bible and praying that I feel so blessed to be a child of his.

This song... is an all time favorite... of mine.. love it.. love it..
Pause Mrs. Stephanie's Playlist on bottom and listen away...

Huge Hugs with lots of Love,

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Time is just that ...time.. It's the seconds, minutes and hours that pass during our life. Time can go quickly- so fast that you can't grab it and hold it before it runs away from you. Time can also creep by so slowly- so slowly it doesn't ever feel like the seconds, the minutes will keep moving at a steady pace. The minutes turn into very long moments....moments in time...

The pain that has been felt this week... is so hard .. it can't even be put into words. It's indescribable...A different kind of hurt.. a hurt that even I don't understand..

Here I was driving the other night to church on monday for our monthly prayer meeting... I couldn't even grasp life...I'd been so good to hold in the pain.. the radio began to play a song.. the beginning tone of the song was playing and honestly I thought this song I'm not too sure about..the rhythm anyway.. THEN.. just THEN the words began to pour out...

My world is closing in
On the inside
But I’m not showing it
When all I am is crying out
I hold it in and fake a smile
Still I’m broken
I’m broken
Only one can understand
And only one can hold the hand
Of the broken
Of the broken

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in your arms

I was like this is it .. the pain in my heart.. my confusion in my mind..I couldn't even align time with my thoughts.. I just wanted time to stop.. to stand still so I could even grasp everything going on.. that I could somehow fix this when in fact it was out of my hands.. it was in gods hands..The song just didn't play once.. it was again for a reason.. a reason for purpose I needed to really hear the words..

I need no explanation of why me
I just need confirmation
Only You could understand the
emptiness inside my head
I am falling
I am falling
I’m falling down upon my knees
To find the one who gives me peace
I am flying
Lord I am flying

As I sat in church trying to hold my composure.. It was just like a tear started to happen and it was a release like I couldn't explain. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't hold it in any longer.. if I just would've caught each tear as it fell, I could've danced in the puddle. The emotions I felt as TIME was passing.. TIME was still moving, moving without my heart in the place it needed to be. All I could see was darkness with someone standing at the podium talking.. He would go on to say.. God has a plan.. a plan for each of us.. Our time isn't always his plan... Honestly, I was beginning to think I was on a different time zone as gods. How I felt like his plan just wasn't for me after all..

Thoughts would begin to flood my mind, the adversary would begin to poke at me.. and try to get in my heart... leaving me with doubt. Doubt that really do I belong in church.. Was it just by an accident he chose me to be a child of his last June? Was I really worth all this mess.. Would he still open his arms and hold me.. Cause I'm telling you.. If I didn't have someone to hold open there arms.. I would've slid onto the floor... I just could close my eyes and hear the music playing and listen to the words of the song replaying in my head that I had just heard in the car on the drive up here.. the drive that seemed to be one of the longest drives to church.. what only took 30 minutes seemed to take hours...

When no one else knows how I feel
Your love for me is proven real
When no one else cares where I’ve been
You run to me with outstretched hands
And You hold me in Your arms

I have come to you in search of faith
Cause I can’t see beyond this place
Oh You are God and I am man
So I’ll leave it in Your hands

This was it.. I went to the alter and prayed .. prayed and just released all my hurt, all my confusion, all the pain.. time was letting me just stand there with my arms high and just take in the peace that god was giving me.. the weeping I couldn't keep in any longer, the tears I couldn't catch any longer.. but I felt it .. I felt. the love, the guidance, the peace he was giving me.. It was almost like he was saying "It's gonna be okay.. thought you don't understand.. I'm here for you.. I will never leave you nor forsake stand up.. dust off your knees and pull yourself together.. Okay I can do this... I layed it all out there.. and the peace I felt.. the strength I received led me to see it's in his hands now.. His TIME of his plan is not my TIMING..I have to trust in him whether I might have secondary thoughts..You can't. You ABSOLUTELY can not let the adversary poke at you and leave you with any doubt. If you let him in with a a crack of a gap, he will try to slide in with heartless content...................

Before now I couldn't put into words my thoughts.. all I could do was listen to "All that I can say"

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

I pulled up this song on my playlist and just listened to it over.. and over... I had no words.. no clicking of the keys to post an entry.. I was speechless.. I just wanted the music to do the talking for me..

After praying and believing.. that's it..

I believe it's not in my hands anymore.... he will hold me and keep me close but it's up to me to breathe, know the truth and that in his time will things work out according to his plan not MINE.

I apologize for this not being upbeat as it usually is.. here but really I am just a human trying to figure out life.. This is my life as it reads the good, the bad and all the in between..

Huge Hugs to each of you,

Monday, April 6, 2009

Long Day!!

Oh it's been a super long day...

I can surely say my head is pulsating..

My eyes feel like their about to pop out..

Popping out of my eyelids that are so droopy yet puffy from endless tearing today...

Did I say it's been a long day...

So long of a day .. I'm tired and quickly, momentarily closing eyelids for a second.

My feelings have went from anger, to hurt, next sad now just confused..

Mrs. Stephanie is getting ancy from drinking soda so late..

So Cheers,

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Saturday by Pictures

This is lil K when I caught her standing in my chair at the computer.

This is after she got in trouble!

K my little sassy pre teen turned miss know it all!

J heading toward the goal.. Soccer season kicked off today!!

Mr. Unhappy for having to sit out to rest third quarter

This last one is hilarious .. this would be a pic of how sleepy I was.. Note bottom of picture.. oh yea.. and we went in public like this..

Huge Hugs,

Friday, April 3, 2009

Beautiful Song

It will be one year on April 28th that my DH mother passed away from pancreatic cancer. She was diagnosed and within weeks she made the decision to go on with jesus. I truely miss her with all my heart. Each of us have our own way of grieving when a loved one has passed. I find alot of peace,love and strength in our god and i'm so thankful he's my rock. Please pause the playlist and take a few minutes to listen. Whether you've lost a mom, grandmom, daughter or a loved one this song will touch your heart. It all makes sense and a sense of peace fills your heart.

Wishing you a great weekend and sending Huge Hugs,

Thursday, April 2, 2009