Thursday, March 26, 2009

Thoughts for Thursday

**I warn you.. lengthy post today..**

These are a few of my random thoughts today.. I didn't really feel compelled to just talk about one thing so I thought hmmm. why not just chitter chat about a few things...

I'm not sure where to go from here..These last few days or week I'm guessing I've been really quiet..Not really sure why.. I'm not bothered by anyone thing or upset with any person..Now anyone who knows me .. I'm usually the loudest talker, loudest to holler, loudest to laugh at church.. and of a sudden there is something that has come over me.. I know this sounds totally odd..And now I'm not crazy or going mentally down... I have been praying more and just really taking in 110% in living a godly life.. trying be a good christian woman..

Part of me .. I guess is really hitting me that my husband doesn't attend church with me and my kids.. I feel like there is a peice that is missing between jeff & I. I see couples in our church and they couldn't be closer than peas & carrots. I read blogs that the wife & the husband pray & worship. Can You just imagine... some of you have that.. and are so incredibly blessed but for a second.. I'm thinking that would be the most incredible thing to happen. I know I can't give up... I can't.. I used to think when I was first baptized that it would never come to be that my husband would never make that step into the church doors. I shouldn't think in that way.. I should be positive.. About a month ago, our pastor had given a sermon on MIRACLES. He asked three questions. . 1)Who needs a miracle? 2)How bad do you want that miracle? 3)What are you gonna do to get that miracle? After service they had a alter call and I remember going up to the front and kneeling down. I told god that I had a miracle and I wanted nothing more than my husband to start coming to church and be baptized in jesus name. I said I would do whatever it takes.. I have cried many tears over this .. many.. it would seem when we'd take a few steps forward .. he would slide a few back..

I go on to say this because what ever miracle you are wanting.. do not.. listen here DO NOT give up.. I wouldn't have ever thought that god would give me such peace with my life.. Of course we have our ups and downs on days..and we question why plans happen to change the way they do? But it's not in our hands to write out our plan for life. He has our plan already figured and mapped out.I guess that is why I'm so calm and reserved lately.. I never really undersood how people could go and pray to god and be at peace with their thoughts.. BUT I do now.. I get.. I really get it.. I can feel lost, confused, upset or frustrated and I go and pray, and pray some more.

The other night when I had first read about stellan, MckMama's son I just began to cry, I began to wonder how at one point they are going in the pace of life and the next her son is in PICU with heart problems.. then I read ladies that have went over and beyond to conceive and have precious miracle babies and have such difficulty. Is their a part of me that wonders why I had 4 and here some aren't blessed with just one.. I feel a loss of words at times because what do you say to console them.. No words are going to even compare because I haven't experienced having that sick of a child that requires hospitalization or I haven't experienced the battles of infertility... I don't even think I do as much for them spirtually as they do for me.. They have a light that shines of strength and faith with believe and praise all wrapped up into one.

I am so thankful for the ladies I have crossed paths with online.

These are my random thoughts today

Huge Hugs,

I wanted to add these in at the end here for encouragement.



You say: 'It's impossible'
God says: All things are possible
(Luke 18:27)

You say: 'I'm too tired'
God says: I will give you rest
(Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: 'Nobody really loves me'
God says: I love you
(John 3:1 6 & John 3:34 )

You say: 'I can't go on'
God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: 'I can't figure things out'
God says: I will direct your steps
(Proverbs 3:5- 6)

You say: 'I can't do it'
God says: You can do all things
(Philippians 4:13)

You say: 'I'm not able'
God says: I am able
(II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: 'It's not worth it'
God says: It will be worth it
(Roman 8:28 )

You say: 'I can't forgive myself'
God says: I Forgive you
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: 'I can't manage'
God says: I will supply all your needs
(Philippians 4:19)

You say: 'I'm afraid'
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)

You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated'
God says: Cast all your cares on ME
(I Peter 5:7)

You say: 'I'm not smart enough'
God says: I give you wisdom
(I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: 'I feel all alone'
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you
(Hebrews 13:5)

1 comment:

Mimmy96 said...

What a wonderful blog sis... All I can say is.. you are so right... you hold on to that miracle, it WILL happen.. God said he WOULD give us the desires of our hearts.. and his word does not lie. Me and Mark have been trying to have a child now for 5 years... and there are days that it is just unbearable for me... but I know that God does have a miracle down the road and sometimes we do get sidetracked... but his word is true and remains the same! I love ya girl.. and I KNOW that one day your husband will be sitting in church.. I feel that and I claim that! I will be praying with you.... you are very strong and God is using and going to use you more mightly then you have ever thought.. just stay faithful to HIm and he will never do you wrong!